Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Dating in the 20th century

Dating, a new form of mixed-sex socializing, arose in the nation’s growing cities during the second decade of the twentieth century. It replaced earlier kinds of socializing that had been found in small towns and rural areas, both casual forms of mixing—such as church outings, picnics, sleigh rides, hay rides, and community dances—and also the formal process of calling, in which a young man paid a visit to a young woman’s house and was entertained in her parlor. Both casual mixing and calling were overseen by adults—by parents, kin, church members, and others in the community—and took place in mixed-age settings.

The word dating entered the American language during the 1910s. Dating was connected to the emergence of new kinds of commercial amusements, such as amusement parks, ice cream parlors, and especially the movies, and to the rise of the automobile. As early as the 1890s, young people in rapidly growing cities had begun to spend more of their leisure time in commercial settings, such as amusement parks, dance halls, and nickelodeons. By the 1910s, adolescent boys, in growing numbers, had begun to ask girls out. Starting in the 1920s, a date usually involved one or two couples going out together to a movie, a dance, a soda shop, or a roadside restaurant. In places outside of large cities, this increasingly relied on access to an automobile and became dependent on the outlay of significant amounts of cash to ensure that the treat for the afternoon or evening was acceptable to the dating partner. Commercial considerations were thus embedded into the very structure of the dating relationship, which required that the male treat the female to a good time. Women too were required to expend money on their appearance, wearing fashionable clothes and stylish hairdos, and relying on beauty treatments and up-to-date cosmetics.

Dating, unlike calling, was not about finding a mate. It was about having fun with a member of the opposite sex. At a time when gender relations were particularly distant, dating provided a way to bridge the gap
. Also unlike calling, which was monitored by adults, the dating system was overseen by young people themselves. The peer group set the rules for dating. Through gossip and teasing, it helped determine who one could go out with and how much sexual intimacy was allowed.

Dating was highly gendered. A boy was expected to ask a girl out, pay for the date, and provide the transportation. In return, he expected physical intimacy, In most cases, these activities fell short of intercourse, involving instead an elaborate pattern of sexual play that included hand-holding, kissing, petting, and fondling. It was well understood that within this evolving pattern women would define the limits of acceptable behavior, while men would try to push those boundaries as far as possible. Most studies of the 1920s and 1930s show that among those whose dating had become exclusive, especially those who were engaged to marry, intercourse would become an occasional or regular part of the dating relationship for about half of these couples. This was usually rationalized as a legitimate expression of the commitment to a long-lasting loving relationship oriented to marriage.

During the 1920s and 1930s, a young woman’s popularity was measured by how frequently she was asked out on dates. It was not uncommon for urban middle-class young women to go out on dates three or more times a week. Sociologists later discovered that those young women who dated the most were the least likely to pursue an advanced education and were especially likely to marry young.

A new vocabulary gradually appeared, including such words as crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, and going steady. An especially important word was “bashful,” to describe boys who were reluctant to date. By the 1930s, dating had become highly ritualized. Informal dating was followed by going steady (a new phrase during the Depression decade), getting pinned, getting engaged and then getting married.



Sources:
http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/do_history/courtship/flapper.html
http://www.faqs.org/childhood/Co-Fa/Dating.html

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